I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
