Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
