yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
