Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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