drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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