So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have tasted many bathrooms
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
