You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
