hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
