you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
