I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
