Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
