life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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