ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
