I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
