I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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