in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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