I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
