I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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