loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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