never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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