I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
