and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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