Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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