marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
