How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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