My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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