1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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