Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
