I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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