i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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