if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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