Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
