Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
