is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
