2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
