Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
