The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
