He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
