i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
