Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
