How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
