Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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