my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
