hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
