When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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