$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
