It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
