Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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