Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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