But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
