shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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