i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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