Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
