I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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