if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
