things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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