Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
