You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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