Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
