Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
