I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
