Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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