I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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