my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
