Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
