Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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