Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So much rum. So many feels.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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