I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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