Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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