dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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