Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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