Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
