His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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