check it out our google latitudes are spooning
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
