the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
