he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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