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Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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